Dear Fans and Anonymous Sycophants,
Just to clarify this blog post I wrote, since I am prone to using lots of words in an attempt to win arguments by exhausting people: Some of you may know that a woman has been saying that I mishandled her abuse case ten years ago, by siding with her abuser and making her and her family look bad to the church and the court. This is a lie. I will prove it now by making her look as bad as possible. The reasons this woman is wicked (and thus cannot be trusted) are as follows:
- She once moved to Portland. There are gay people and transgender people in Portland.
- Her husband once appeared naked in artistic videos that he dispersed years ago to a very limited audience. I will prove how evil a person must be to submit these videos for public viewing by stealing the videos and linking to them for your perusal.
- Remember: Only the worst people on the planet ever create art featuring nudity. Da Vinci? Da Devil.
- This Daughter of Portlandia has done other bad things, which I can’t prove because she’s such a liar that she’s erased all traces of them.
- She left my church and is saying naughty things about my church.
- Thus she obviously does not worship the same god I do (aka me). This is the most damning thing of all.
The High Priest of The One True Church,
Expert in Justice,
Expert in Rhetoric,
Persecuted by A Cloud of People Who Disagree With His Amazing Words Only Because They Are Vile Sinners In Need The Forgiving Grace of His Church,