Biblical Manhood, Womanhood and Marriage

Home » Finding a spouse » He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing

He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

So you are in want of wife. You’ve read the Bible, and you know that you must not fornicate, but you’re a red-blooded male, and you’re getting more desperate by the minute. But perhaps women aren’t that into you. Or perhaps they’re all cloistered virgins, carefully protected by fathers and brothers who refuse your suit for some ridiculous motive or another. For obvious reasons, you must only marry a virgin, and these may be difficult to find in normal social settings where whores and feminists (this may seem redundant, but feminists have the additional quality of being uncommonly bad-tempered) rule the day. In any case, here you are, and you find yourself in need.

The Bible has the answer for you! What a blessing it is to have such a treasure-trove of wisdom at our fingertips. Judges 21 tells the uplifting tale of a whole tribe of men, the Benjamites, who were in need of wives. The other tribes had rashly sworn they wouldn’t let their daughters marry the Benjamites, just because a few Benjamites had raped the concubine of another man to death. But here the poor Benjamites were, on the verge of extinction. So the other tribes were sad about that, and they devised a cunning plan to help their brother-tribe. They were going to be the ultimate wingmen. They got some strong warriors together and they went out and slaughtered a neighboring people group, all but 400 virgins, which they took as wives for the Benjamites. Unfortunately, that wasn’t quite enough women for the whole tribe of Benjamites, so they had to come up with Cunning Plan Number 2, which was this: have the Benjamites steal the daughters of some of the brother tribes when these girls were dancing in a vineyard. The other tribes couldn’t really complain, then, because they hadn’t technically broken their vow. The girls had been kidnapped rather than given. Smart, right?

So how do we apply this to modern-day living, when killing a bunch of people and/or kidnapping women is technically illegal? We aren’t completely sure, but we are sure that this is a valid portrait of Biblical marriage. Because it’s describing marriage between God’s people in the interest of producing offspring, in the Bible, and the Bible is infallible.

Perhaps this means that you should not take a father’s objections to you too seriously, even if you’ve been known to rape a woman to death occasionally. Christianity is all about forgiveness, and it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. You might as well stage a kidnapping or two and then give the father a wink and a nudge. If you’ve “married” her after the kidnapping, his daughter will no longer be a virgin, and only virgins are valuable for wife material. The best she can hope for is to marry her rapist: you (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)!

Those pesky modern laws may get in the way of this scheme, as previously mentioned, so it is best to do this only when you’re reasonably sure that the family isn’t going to get litigious. Perhaps you can do it in a country where the law is still on the side of Bible-believers. Many Muslim countries have a legal system favorable to Old Testament law-abiders. Or perhaps you can make sure you only kidnap the daughters of illegal immigrants, and/or take your new wife to some new place where she doesn’t know the language. After all, that’s less emotionally disturbing for her (and probably easier) than killing her entire family or people group! As a rule of thumb, kidnapping escapes notice better than genocide.

These are just some simple ideas if you’re feeling convicted to follow the Bible’s example on marriage but are worried about the details. The bottom line is, always, always read the Bible and do what it says, even if it doesn’t always jive with modern sensibilities!

Advertisements

7 Comments

  1. Chaps says:

    You’re forgetting that Judges 21 closes with the verse “in those days there was no king in the land, and everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” Just because something is in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s praising it as a good thing.

  2. Hi Chaps! Thanks for the feedback! Yes, we know that just because something is in the Bible it doesn’t mean it’s praiseworthy. Ananias and Sapphira come to mind. However, in the context of the story, it obviously is a good thing that the Benjamites are getting wives. The closing line doesn’t mean everything was bad then, either. We Americans are big fans of not having a king and doing what’s right in our own eyes. The same could be said of every country in the world currently!

  3. I think I see what you’re trying to do with your blog – pointing out contradictions and double standards as held by some Christians, but please, let’s not veer into assuming everyone is sexually active these days, or has been.

    I was a Christian for many years. I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I have never married I am still a virgin in my 40s. I have met other older Christian virgins online, on blogs and forums where we discuss how ostracized older virgins / never married individuals are treated by Christian culture.

    There are liberal, emergent, and conservative Christians who mock, stereotype and ridicule older Christian virgins/singles, when they are not busy wrongly assuming all unmarried Christians past the age of 25 / 30 are already having sex, or have already had sex.

    Some conservative Christians, who are well known (such as Russell Moore and Tim Challies) have mocked and insulted older Christian virgins in their blogs and/or have denigrated the concept of virginity.

    I’ve posted about this topic on my blog, but while Christians pay a lot of lip service to supporting virginity and sexual purity, they really only mean that for any one under the age of 25.

    Once you are in your late 20s or 30s and still not married (and still abstaining sexually), there is either no support in Christian communities for you (since they are consumed with marriage and kids), or, when they do discuss older celibates, it is to insult or mock us, or to scream at us to hurry up and get married.

    I get a little tired of liberal Christians or atheists running around on the internet painting all Christians as being supportive of sexual purity and virginity, as being too rigid or judgmental in regards to sex, because they are no such thing, not in some aspects.

    As an older virgin who was a Christian until recently (I’m somewhat agnostic now), I can assure you that ACTUAL virgins (I said actual – I don’t mean “born against virgins” or “spiritual virgins,” but people who have literally never had sexual intercourse) are treated like second class citizens by the same (married) Christians who complain about promiscuity among youth, the legalization of homosexual marriage, the rise of single mother households, etc

    There are indeed Christian / agnostic virgins over the age of 30 who exist, but we get no recognition or support from the Christian community.

    • I don’t know why you assume this post is ridiculing older virgins. In all seriousness, I was an older virgin until I got married. This post is about what Biblical marriage is and how you can find answers in the Bible if you’re asking yourself the question “what constitutes Biblical marriage, and how can I Biblically find a spouse (assuming I want one)?” You know, without resorting to outside texts or modern logic or all-encompassing love or anything else.

  4. Correction of my last post. It should be “born again” not “born against.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: