If you want Christ’s teaching to transform your marriage, here is something for you to consider: you may be interpreting Christ’s teachings on marriage all wrong. Especially if you’re looking towards something that establishes proper gender roles, but in a way that can bruise a wife’s body and heart rather than presenting her “unblemished.”
Fortunately, we are here to walk you through the Christian teachings that transformed our marriage from the bottom up. Literally.
You see, prior to following these teachings, our marriage was in disarray. I felt neglected by my husband, and he was frustrated because his masculine nature was not being satisfied. My husband is not just a man, he is a commander of men. He is a muscular, bronzed, calloused, high-energy male who runs his own business and simultaneously works with his hands. And yet at home, he felt that something was missing, as did I. Where we should have been hot and fiery, we were lukewarm. Where we should have been harmonious, we were contentious.
One day, my husband approached me and said “honey, there’s something I’d like to try to improve how things have been going. I have been reading in Ephesians, and I’ve got an idea.”
My husband read me several verses I knew very well from Ephesians 5: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
My husband explained to me that he had had what he suspected might be a divine revelation about this passage. He focused in on details that I had previously ignored. “I’ve always wondered what head meant in this context, but I think it might have something to do with the slang ‘giving head,’” he said. “At first I thought, well, maybe that means she’s supposed to be giving me blow jobs. But if you read a little further, it’s obviously not talking about blow jobs. The husband is the one loving the wife in this context, and she is to submit to him as the savior of her body. He is to sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. What does that mean? I used to think it meant husbands were supposed to read their wives words from the Bible, but that’s not very literal, is it? I think God intended for the Bible to be taken literally, especially in the King James version, and the most literal meaning of ‘washing of water by the word’ that I can think of is a good tongue-bath. The Bible is not very watery, is it? But a man’s tongue is for sure.”
My husband went on to explain that for a man to love his wife as his own body would mean he would give her everything he desired from her, and a big part of that would be oral sex.
“I think the Lord is telling me to improve our marriage by giving your lady parts a spiritual experience,” my husband concluded.
I was skeptical and a bit nervous of this. “Wouldn’t it just be easier if I baked you a pie or something?” I asked.
“Are you trying to emasculate me?” my husband asked. “Desert makes men fat, and fat produces estrogen.” He was so insistent that I soon found myself lying face-up on our bed. My husband got into position, and he told me that I should relax and focus on being healed, cleansed and sanctified by his washings of water by the word. “You have no spot or wrinkle or blemish in my sight,” he said. “I present you to myself as my glorious bride.”
I was irritated at first by his rough whiskers and the oddness of the arrangement, but then I began gradually to submit to his headship. I decided to meditate on his words and on his sanctifying love for a good half an hour, until I had the most blissful experience of my life.
This became a daily ritual, and eventually the release and the wonder I felt wrung tears from me. As a woman who had internalized various rants on modesty and purity over the years, I realized all the shame I had been carrying about my body. Truly, my husband was loving my body as he loved his own, and truly, he found me beautiful. Once I experienced this deep thing with him, our marriage began to improve almost instantly. I no longer felt neglected, and his raw masculine power had found an appropriate, Biblical outlet. He led me to heights I never knew existed.
Looking to the Bible
With the new view I had on Ephesians 5, I began to look at other verses differently as well. There was just so much in the Bible about this act!
1 Corinthians 7:3 talks about sex acts and says “Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife to the husband.” What is more benevolent than oral sex in the marriage relationship? Pretty much nothing! After my husband showed me the glories of oral, I began to return the favor.
I particularly love Song of Solomon 4:16: “Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.” I’m not sure how much more explicit you can get than going south to blow on someone’s garden and eat its pleasant fruits.
The question of technique may come up, and the Bible has an answer for that as well, from 1 Corinthians 13: “love is patient, love is kind.” A husband must be patient when he is washing his wife with water by the word. And he must be kind. Love, according to this passage, is not boastful, rude, selfish or jealous. In other words, a man must enact his love to his wife in a way that is not boastful, rude, selfish or jealous. He should not focus on any past thing that would make him jealous, and he should conduct himself in all humility and sweetness.
This is not to say that he may not be passionate. I have never seen anything more passionate than my husband in the depths of one of his washings. He is ecstatic to be doing it. He adores the fact that I am a woman and he adores making me feel awakened in that way. As Proverbs 5 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” I never knew what that verse really meant, or what a man in the depths of love intoxication looked like, until I saw my husband drown himself in my secret parts.
Oral sex has a strong stigma in some women’s minds because it is so severely intimate. But remember the natural order of things in the Garden of Eden, from Genesis 2:25: “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” There is nothing to be ashamed of when you are man and wife.
You should meditate on these precious verses and see what a difference they can make in your marriage!